Does Personal Leadership Style Impact Public Connection? My Guest: Commander Alexa Jenkins, United States Navy

I always had a lot of words. Probably the byproduct of being raised surrounded by non-English speakers. There was a language barrier. It separated them- so it separated me. But not just the words- the nuance, the inflection. Also the frustration, resentment, despair, shame— all of my discomfort stifled by the sounds that made up their sentence fragments. 

And when they struggled or sputtered, they turned to Suzie- Speaker at Large. It also made me the conduit. For the translation. But also for the sometimes not very friendly, or patient- and on occasion outright hostile- responses. So I found my words early and used them often. And stood at the ready to protect and defend.

But what happens when you only find your VOICE after nearly half a century of SO many words? 
And that’s what we’re going to tackle today...

Ready to challenge your perceptions of leadership and communication? Join us as we sit down with the insightful Commander Alexa Jenkins of the US Navy. She opens up about the nuanced dynamics of leadership, underscoring the essence of authentic communication during transitional times. Discover the pivotal difference between a boss and a real leader, and ponder if true leadership lies in genuine care for your people. 

Do you have some feedback, thoughts or questions?

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

I always had a lot of words, probably the byproduct of being raised surrounded by non-English speakers. There was a language barrier. It separated them. So it separated me. But not just the words, the nuance, the inflection, also the frustration, resentment, despair, shame, all of my discomfort, stifled by the sounds that made up their sentence fragments. And when they struggled or sputtered they turned to Susie, speaker at large. It also made me the conduit for the translation, but also for the sometimes not very friendly or patient and on occasion outright hostile responses. So I found my words early and used them often and stood at the ready to protect and defend. But what happens when you only find your voice after nearly half a century of so many words? And that's what we're going to tackle today.

Speaker 1: 1:03

Hi, I'm Susie, here with your weekly dose of culture, values and identity and where we tackle those topics others may consider off limits. A little about me I'm a busy Gen X mom who, quite frankly, wanted to grow up like the Brady Bunch. But how could? I? Being raised in the shadow of Schindler's list, this means I've spent a lifetime navigating these mixed messages we get hit with daily. You know those conversations where we wonder if it's safe to speak our minds. Can we share our experiences, voice our fears and concerns, or should we just keep our mouths shut? Well, too bad. I need to know, but I'm no expert, so I'm going to schmooze the experts and get their thoughts. Why so? When we engage with our kids, colleagues or the countless committees we interact with, we can do it with competence, kindness, confidence and maybe a bit of humor. If this sounds like your cup of coffee, welcome to Schmooze with Susie. Now imagine.

Speaker 1: 2:03

Everything I just described took place, starting in pigtails, grocery stands, the bank shops along the avenue. I was a pint-sized parrot who mimicked speech, accents, attributes and attitudes and, when necessary, I could channel a frightful fromissara from Fiddler and assume the role of tiny terrorist. My most powerful weapon my words. And then, at the turn of the century, on my own, for the very first time, away from all the other voices, I started to realize that what comes out of our mouths impacts both the listener and the speaker. So I've spent the last two decades exploring the difference between using your words and hearing your voice to effectively communicate.

Speaker 1: 2:55

And as I look around our world that changes so quickly. I ask myself do you have to be an authentic communicator in order to be a good leader, especially during times of transition. My guest today is an expert at protecting and defending. She is also an expert at inspiring and connecting, which makes her the ideal leader. Commander Alexa Jenkins of the United States Navy is a previous guest and you can hear more about Alexa on Season 1, episode 3. What do pirate hunting and personal connection have in common?

Speaker 2: 3:30

Hello Alexa, Hello Susie, so good to be back.

Speaker 1: 3:33

It's so good to have you back. So I would consider you an expert on communication and transition Communication to very different people from very different places, on very different levels, on very different matters, but also transition from living on land to living on a ship, from port to at sea, from high tension environments to the boredom of waiting on orders, to being away from family, sometimes for the very first time. How is transition and communication connected?

Speaker 2: 4:09

I think they're integral to each other. I think when you look at having a transition in your life, the clearer the communication, the clearer the expectation that you're going to have with that transition. It gives you that ability to execute the transition flawlessly, seamlessly.

Speaker 1: 4:31

So when I picture myself as a small child, honestly I'm surprised by how many people would give in. I understand that my grandparent was usually with me, but they were less self-assured, I think, than even I was at the time. It was me the bank teller was making the eye contact with. It was me that the grocer was asking the money from. Why do you think people do that? Give in to, that stomp and snap or like a little bully type of behavior, whether it comes from a child or from a boss sometimes?

Speaker 2: 5:04

I think that it's effective right in the short term because it grabs our attention, it forces you to focus on what the person is saying when someone kind of does that stomp, I mean it does. It forces your gaze, it forces your focus to them. I don't know that it's effective in the long term for communication For children. I think we expect that out of a child. That is the maturity level of a child is okay. This is how I'm going to show you and gain your attention. As an adult, we expect a little bit more verbal jujitsu, if you will. I expect some ability there to get the focus without resorting to being childish, to how do I grab your attention with words? How do I make sure that my tone, how do I make sure that the simplicity of what I'm saying is clear so that you are drawn in, that you are engaged and that you connect?

Speaker 1: 6:16

Such a great point. I think that in my experiences you're right In the initial onset. We maybe placate people who stomp and snap in that way in the short term, but I tend to think to myself is this someone that I respect in any capacity? And then, will I then continue to maintain any modicum of communication or connection to that person? Which leads me to the difference between being a boss and being a leader. So in my experience I've had both and I sometimes wonder is there some common denominator? Is it the length of time in the field, the art of listening and sharing? Do some people possess a superpower of communication? Do you have to be an authentic communicator? Do you have to truly care about people in order to be a great leader?

Speaker 2: 7:17

I'm gonna go with a short answer here. Yes, I do think you need to be authentic in order to be a great leader, right? I think a boss manages things and a leader manages people.

Speaker 1: 7:29

Oh, so good.

Speaker 2: 7:30

Right. So, yes, you can be a leader of things. You know a manager, but those are things, it's equipment, it's schedules. But to really be a leader of people, I need you to connect, I need somebody who is able to listen, and so I think in that communication we forget about the listening. People wanna know that they're communicator, that they have been heard and they've been valued.

Speaker 1: 7:57

Let's go back to the listening part of it. I've often been in experiences with leadership where I go in and an agenda is handed out and I sort of feel where, even in advance of that experience, my opinion or my input is not valued. Is there any way for me to navigate that environment?

Speaker 2: 8:23

in your experience, I think one of the greatest pieces of advice that I had for having my voice heard was first, build allies. So rarely in a power struggle where you are presented between you and an authority figure whether that's your boss or company you versus that person may not go your way, but by building allyship with peers, with other people in the company, other horizontal folks at that boss's level, they help bring your voice to be heard. So they're gonna say, no, suzy's gonna sit right here at this table, suzy's gonna sit right there. Oh, suzy, what did you think of that? It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to be the person who's sticking your hand up in the air and jumping over people to be heard. By building those allies we are, and that's why allyship is so important. Right, because then it is natural it is. Hey, I am credible because look at all these other people who wanna know what I have to say Such a great point.

Speaker 1: 9:29

It's a sense of community. It's one person, and that's how I typically can identify the difference between a boss and a leader right there. A boss is someone who's standing by themselves, usually on a soapbox, sometimes a pedestal, but they feel like they need to overcome or they need to over, they need to be over something, as opposed to a leader who's shoulder to shoulder, who's linking arms, who's, like you said, listening, so that it's me and you together and we're moving towards challenging solutions.

Speaker 2: 10:03

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, even in one of pop culture's most famous leaders they're Captain Picard from Star Trek. I would say, my husband and I always joke. In every episode there's always a scene and he's sitting with all of his officers around a table and they're solving a big problem and he just throws up his arm and he goes suggestions, yes, and it cracks me up because he's supposed to be the leader, the authority on that ship. But every episode he always asks his team hey, how are we solving the problem? You expert people I have employed, how do we solve?

Speaker 1: 10:39

the problem together. Fascinating that you bring that up because I happen to be reading a book called Soul Boom by Rainn Wilson and he talks about two shows that impacted his perception of spirituality and soul connection. One is Kung Fu and the other is Star Trek. And what he discusses about Star Trek is that it is the evolution of a perfect species, and exactly what you just said. In the evolution of a perfect species, a leader would say suggestions with a welcoming, not a condescending type of expression. It truly is that. See, look at you and your husband talking high level thought processes. My dad loved Star Trek. I grew up watching Star Trek and I think that's a lot of what shapes my view of the world. It always looked so different. Everybody was diverse.

Speaker 2: 11:38

Yes, yes, you had every species, every color, shape person is employed in Star Trek and they all had value and they all had a voice and at the end of every episode they were coming together for the greater good and a solution. Yes, definitely. Everybody had that singular focus of effort, unity of effort, unity of command. It's a great thing to see people working together.

Speaker 1: 12:04

I don't want to label us, but I totally feel like we're nerds. It's fine.

Speaker 2: 12:09

I'm not like please always label me that. If it means somebody who learns from Star Trek, then I am a forever nerd.

Speaker 1: 12:15

Yes, yes, I want to get a cape with an N on the back starting. Well, no, not that. See why I don't edit this stuff. All right, let's move on to at the top of the show. I shared that, while I have always had many words and, depending on who you ask, been called eloquent locations or a big mouth, I've always, always been passionate. It's really only in the last decade that I feel like I found my voice and, honestly, I use much less words now. I feel and many more people are listening to the fewer words that I use. Why do you think that is?

Speaker 2: 13:02

I mean, that's pure bandwidth, right? So if you're a person who thinks out loud, which a lot of extraverts are, I think that's a huge challenge to edit what you say so that when you speak, you speak with importance. These are valuable things that I'm saying, not just my stream of consciousness.

Speaker 1: 13:26

Oh, thank you, I appreciate that. Can you write me a LinkedIn reference?

Speaker 2: 13:34

That's a real thing. Most introverts will tell you that they get drained from being around folks that think out loud because they don't understand the process of. Why are these people not editing out fluff? I just want to know where is the point in this train that we're going down?

Speaker 1: 13:52

I feel like I want you to see how this sausage is made, so that I can help you to understand better 100%.

Speaker 2: 14:00

I am team sausage making. Tell me all the things. Tell me that you saw be it made you think of the dog you had when you were seven. Absolutely, I get it. I just think in clear communication, that's what. When people are able to edit, I think it makes their words so valuable so they kind of keep us on the edge of our seats.

Speaker 1: 14:20

Yes, I know what's next. Yes, you're right. So what is your advice for someone who might be listening and they're thinking to themselves? They're talking about bosses and people who are not listeners. Let's look at those two so that we can kind of identify what character traits both contain, so that if someone is thinking I fit into the boss category and I want to be a leader, what are some ways that I could gain those skill sets?

Speaker 2: 14:49

So I think the main difference for me is a boss is someone who has the authority given to them, in whatever organization, to make decisions. Great Step one that you need the authority and responsibility in order to make change happen. To be a leader, I think you need that connection to your folks. You need to have a singular focus for them to understand where is it that you want them to go?

Speaker 1: 15:17

Vision you need that vision for them and the ability to communicate that vision 100% so that they buy into it.

Speaker 2: 15:25

Yeah, I mean. Napoleon used to brief the most junior corporal. They would call in this very junior guy. He would stand there and Napoleon would give him the battle plan and say, okay, so do you understand? And if the corporal couldn't explain to Napoleon what the plan was, they say it's not good enough. I have to refine how I'm communicating this, right, so understand, it's not good enough that you understand the plan. How are you able to communicate to every different level in your organization so that it resonates with each level Each person understands? Here's how you fit in, here's what the goal is.

Speaker 1: 16:03

So when I think about when I was younger and I was in that process of translation and communication, a lot of what I noticed about language was in attitude, inflection in nuance, and later on people would say it's not necessarily what you say, it's how you say it. And so when I'm in those environments and I'm looking for a leader, does it always have to be somebody who appears composed, who is out of a magazine? Is that somebody who you would necessarily call it because they look the part? What is I mean?

Speaker 2: 16:50

I think we want to have a certain level of confidence in our leader, right? We do want to have that. I think if we say that you have to be totally, as my mother would say, put together at all points, you are a human being and I think people want to know you're vulnerable to. So small vulnerabilities are good. They create empathy between you and your followers. Too much vulnerability and you start treading on your credibility.

Speaker 2: 17:23

So there is a balance there, right? Because you don't want somebody who's coming into work and leading you and saying my life is falling apart, I'm getting a divorce next week. My daughter is a drug addict. You're like, well, I'm not sure that you're in the right mental space to lead me. On the other hand, having somebody come in and say you know what? Today was just a hard day for me. I'm going to have to call it in my mother's sick and you know, hey guys, I need my second in command here to step up and you're going to run things because I need to take a step away. People understand that and they relate to it.

Speaker 1: 17:57

So vulnerability can be perceived as a leadership skill.

Speaker 2: 18:01

Yes, I think so.

Speaker 1: 18:03

Fabulous, fabulous. So if somebody said I want to get there, I don't have it, is it possible to become a good leader?

Speaker 2: 18:12

Absolutely. I think there are two parts about being a good leader. One are just the inherent skills that you were born with. So are you charismatic, are you able to solve tough problems? Sure, those are just kind of skill sets that you were born with. But then there's this behavioral side of leadership that's learned, that is practice, that's developed. So how do you deal with conflict? Have you learned how to resolve conflict with very difficult personalities? Those are learned skills that evolve over time and can be done by anyone who just puts forth effort into the process.

Speaker 1: 18:49

Personal responsibility. How much is that a part of leadership? I?

Speaker 2: 18:53

think that's 100% of leadership. You have to be willing to take 100% accountability or responsibility. It's you need to own that process.

Speaker 1: 19:04

There's never a reason that it's somebody else's entirely somebody else's fault. Somebody is the number one leadership.

Speaker 2: 19:13

Yeah, I think if we look at it, you know you say, oh, it's never someone else's fault. I think you're putting yourself in a like a victim mentality, where it's like somebody else did this to me and that's terrible for your psyche, because then you have, you have given away this control and this power. Yeah, maybe things don't go your way, maybe you had a bad experience. Life is about learning. Failure is not a bad thing. So the minute we take our failures and say someone else caused this to me and I had nothing to do with it, you have given away your agency, you have given that away and I don't want to ever give that to somebody else. So if you say you know what next time around I'll be more cautious, I'll ask better questions, I will do you give yourself something proactive to do and to learn from and to grow.

Speaker 1: 20:10

Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and your wits and your wealth of lessons in leadership. I'm so privileged to get to spend some time with you.

Speaker 2: 20:21

Oh, thanks to you. And you know, just remember like change is hard. Those little caterpillars that turn into butterflies no, nobody tells us that in the chrysalis they're entirely liquefied. Oh my God, what? Yeah, so nobody told me this part, right? So change?

Speaker 1: 20:35

is hard. I was today years old when I found that out Alexa.

Speaker 2: 20:40

Well, I'm very sorry. No one tells you that when you're in grade school, but my son just told it to me, so that's hard right we take if you want to transition from one state to the next.

Speaker 1: 20:50

Change is hard Change is hard, but it's worth it. It sure is. Thank you so much, and thank you for your service. Welcome, and now it's time for our honorable mention. Menj is the Yiddish word for a person of integrity and honor, with a sense of what is right and responsible. This week's honorable mention is Goldie Lansky, president of the Jacksonville chapter of the Hadassah Organization of America.

Speaker 1: 21:16

The women who founded Hadassah before Israel was a state and before women could vote didn't sit on the sidelines then and certainly don't now. For over 100 years, hadassah has worked proactively to bring philanthropy and women's leadership together to find and implement solutions to some of the most pressing challenges facing each generation. Through the donations of the Jacksonville chapter, local women have been a part of everything from the purchase of an incubator for a NICU to the new treatments and scientific breakthroughs that are saving lives around the world. Goldie has been a respected community leader and fierce advocate in Jacksonville for several decades and as the current Hadassah president, she is working hard to reinvigorate a group that helps women find their voices to advance health equity, fighting hate and anti-Semitism in the US and modeling shared society in Israel.

Speaker 1: 22:13

If you know of someone who is the kind of Menj who should get an honorable mention. Send me a note at schmoozewithsuesorg or drop me a line on Instagram. That's going to do it for us today. Thanks for sticking around. Make sure to subscribe to schmoozewithsues on YouTube and follow me on Instagram to get your daily dose of chutzpah. I'm Sue's, your well-informed, smart ass who's not afraid to stand up and speak out. Because what's an envelope if not for pushing? Hey, stay inspired and inspiring.